Round 1: Grunt 1
The Grunt Sitrep #1
The Grunt Sitrep #1
Me: Hey, Buzz!
Buzz: General Buzz Grunt, reporting for duty, ma'am.
Me: Please don't call me, ma'am, Buzz. You make me feel like an old woman.
Buzz: Just following protocol, ma'am. And it's General, if you'd oblige.
Me: Pardon me, General.
General Buzz: I have the sitrep on the Grunt household.
General Buzz: Sorry, ma'am, not used to talking to civilians. I mean, the situation report.
Me: Ok. Fire when ready, General.
General Buzz: My oldest boy, Tank, is preparing for college.
General Buzz: Tank is a fine boy, I tell you. He plans to study Political Science at Sim State and then join the military.
Me: Following in Daddy's footsteps, I see.
General Buzz: Unlike my middle son, Ripp. That boy is soft. Tank and I have tried whipping him into shape.
General Buzz: Look at him crying like a sissy boy. That's just disgraceful. Grunt men don't cry! Ripp is his mama's boy through and through. Soft like her.
General Buzz: He has no ambition. He tells me he doesn't want to go into the military. He just wants to party. His mama, Lyla, was like that. She was a socialite and couldn't handle marriage and family. My parents warned me about marrying someone hoity-toity like her, but I didn't listen. I was smitten with that woman.
General Buzz: And Ripp is just like her. He's becoming a bad influence on my youngest, Buck. After Tank and I run Buck through PT, Ripp dances and plays with him. PT is physical training, by the way.
Me: I think psychotherapy would be more appropriate.
General Buzz: I can't let up on Buck. He's prone to getting pudgy. That comes from his mama's people. They were rich and didn't know the meaning of hard labor. But not us Grunts. We're the salt of the SimEarth.
General Buzz: But the PT is paying off. Buck is fit as a fiddle now.
General Buzz: Since I'm a General, the military has provided some help around the household. This is our butler Avri. I ain't used to no butler. That was more Lyla's style. But Avri seems to be good people, and he's a decent cook.
General Buzz: The boys and I have rations together as often as possible. Avri was cooking this fancy lobster thermidor stuff, but I told him to cut that nonsense out. Peanut butter and jelly is good enough for the Grunts.
Me: I didn't know you had a dog, General.
General Buzz: I don't. I leave this out for the strays in the neighborhood. The military needs to recruit for our new K-9 unit.
General Buzz: I've always been partial to the four legs. Had me a dog when I was boy. His name was Tonka, a German Shepherd. That dog was smart as a whip. *sniff*
Me: Aw, General. You obviously loved your dog. It's ok to cry.
General Buzz: *wiping nose* Enough of that nonsense. Grunt men don't cry, I tell you.
Me: Looks like you have your first recruit.
General Buzz: This here is Rover. He's a fine specimen. A real beast.
General Buzz: Look at him gnaw on that bone. Strong jaw, good teeth. He'll rip the limbs off of any nogooders.
General Buzz: Some of the neighbors came by for a visit. I'm happy to see Circe with child. I don't care what other people in town say, Circe and Loki are good people.
Me: Yeah, good people who like to do weird experiments on other people. I feel you. They're just misunderstood.
General Buzz: The fellow with her is Ajay Loner. He's new in town. Intel didn't pull up much on him.
Me: *shocked* You investigated your neighbor?
General Buzz: I do background checks on all new people in the Uberhood, ma'am. We wouldn't want any spies slipping in among us.
General Buzz: Ripp's friend Puck came over. I don't like Ripp hanging out with that boy. Look at him, with that makeup on his face. Totally frou-frou. And what kind of name is Puck?
Me: This from a man who names his kids Tank, Ripp, and Buck?
General Buzz: Those are call signs, ma'am. The boys' real names are classified.
General Buzz: Lola Curious had the brass ones to come over, knowing my stance on the alien breed.
General Buzz: I wouldn't even eat my rations at the same table with her.
General Buzz: I tell you, those aliens are strange. They don't even mind eating spoiled food.
General Buzz: I met a lovely lady from Pleasantview, Nina Caliente.
General Buzz: Lola had the nerve to interrupt my conversation with Miss Caliente.
General Buzz: Listen here, Lola, I know you and your kind are out to steal our resources. It's not going to happen on my watch. My eyes are always on you.
Lola: Oh, General, you're so funny.
Me: Your threat didn't seem to phase her, General.
General Buzz: By Will, I think that alien half-breed is kinda sweet on me. Can you believe that?
General Buzz: It turns out that Ajay fancies her. He started flirting with her in my home. I tell you, that alien lover is no longer welcome here. He can take his green girlfriend and get the Will outta my house.
General Buzz: Now, Miss Caliente, on the other hand. That's a classy lady.
Me: Uh, General, about Miss Caliente...
General Buzz: What?
Me: Uh, never mind.
General Buzz: Well my boys are off to State, so Buck and I will hold down the fort until they return. Thanks for stopping by, ma'am.
Me: Thank you, General.
General Buzz: General Grunt signing off.
I've been looking forward to writing this update. I heard Buzz's voice in my head the whole time as I was playing their lot. It's funny how some households are easy to play while I struggle with others (like the one coming up).
Ok, Buzz and Nina are the reason I wrote my post asking if I should continue with the alphabet twist. I think it's poetic that Buzz is swooning over Nina when she is of alien heritage. Since I have decided to stick with the twist, we won't be seeing a Caliente-Grunt wedding.
A little bit of trivia: I did have a German Shepherd named Tonka when I was a kid.
Wedding update: The invitations went out in the mail this week (this post is my celebration!), and the RSVPs are starting to come in.
The Single girls are up next, so stay tuned.