Monday, January 18, 2010

Meet Cassandra Goth

Announcer: Our second bachelorette lives in this creepy house in Pleasantview.

Announcer: Say hello to Cassandra Goth.
Cassandra: Gosh, I'm so excited to be a contestant on "The Bachelor." There's nothing I want more than finding that special someone to grow old with.
Announcer: That's right, as a brilliant researcher at Landgraab-Goth Industries,
Announcer: Cassandra is adept at solving all kinds of puzzles, but the mystery of love still evades her.

Announcer: Speaking of mystery, Cassandra was recently reunited with her mother Bella, who had been missing for nearly twenty years.
Announcer: Cassandra's younger brother, Alexander, also lives in the family home.
Casandra: With Mother missing for so many years, I had to become a surrogate mother for Alexander. I know I'm ready to have my own children.
Announcer: If our bachelor is looking for a resilient woman, he need look no further than Cassandra.

Cassandra: My ex, Don Lothario, left me at the altar. I was crushed. Everytime I try to take the decorations down, the whole ordeal replays in my mind and I run upstairs and cry.
Announcer: Uh-
Cassandra: But I'm ready to love again. Don is in the past. I don't even care that he had a child with Dina Caliente...really...I don't.
Announcer: But Cassandra's greatest loss has been the death of her beloved father, Mortimer.
Cassandra: Why, Will? Why did you have to take him?
Announcer: Cassandra is an overcomer, and she's ready for love.
Cassandra: Life is short...unless you get kidnapped by aliens and get twenty years added on to your life...then life is kinda long. Anyway, you have to seize it. I want love and I'm going to seize it. Look out Mr. Bachelor, I'm going to seize you!
Announcer: All righty then. Good luck, Cassandra.
Cassandra: Um, I just thought of something.
Announcer: Yes?
Cassandra: My mom's maiden name is Bachelor. This guy isn't related to me, is he?
Announcer: *facepalm* Let's meet our next bachelorette...


  1. "Look out Mr Bachelor" is right! Cassandra is messed up! LOL.

  2. LOL, Carla! There's always a crazy one in the bunch!