Monday, January 18, 2010

Meet Jessica Peterson

Announcer: Our fourth bachelorette is Jessica Peterson of Belladonna Cove. Uh, Jessica, are you ok?
Jessica: I effed up, kids. I was livin' it up in a penthouse on the top of the hill.
Jessica: Now, I'm stuck in this dump of a trailer park.
Announcer: That's rather unfortunate, Jessica. What happened?

Jessica: I had a dalliance with the business partner of my husband, Armand. Armand is a powerful business man. A real shark in the boardroom. But a guppy in the bedroom, if you get my drift.
Announcer: Er-
Jessica: Armand found out about my fling and got a lawyer. I got squat.
Me: You literally screwed yourself over.
Announcer: I thought I was the host here.
Me: Sorry.
Jessica: The penthouse, the money, and the kid all went to Armand. He could have the kid, she was adopted anyway, but I miss my penthouse!
Jessica: And the parties!I miss the parties. Rich folk know how to do it up, you know. With the champagne, and the pate, and the caviar. Now I'm stuck singin' karaoke every Thursday night with my girl Michelle down at Lucky's.
Jessica: Yeah, you can find me, Michelle, and Danielle at Lucky's, singin' karaoke, lookin' for dudes, and takin' coin off stupid high school chicks. Michelle and Danielle, those are my girls. They're real people, you know what I mean?
Jessica: The hoity-toity crowd hang out at Lucky's sometimes too. Slummin' it, I guess. But they pretend not to notice me. You see, Armand got the friends too. Watch this...
Jessica: Hey, Samantha. Long time, no see. How you doin', girlfriend?
Jessica: Just like I thought, won't have nothin' to do with me. I'm not good enough for the clique anymore. That's why I'm going to win the Bachelor's heart. I know how these shows work. Your bachelor ain't gonna be some scrub. He's my ticket back into the inner circle.
Announcer: I'm sorry I asked. Um, good luck?


  1. Okay, I pretty much love Jessica already. Not that I'd want to hang out with her, but she's hilarious to read about!

  2. Carla, thanks! I'm glad you like her. I had so much fun writing her. I feel like a multiple personality sometimes writing these Sims. I am so not like Jessica, and I blush at some of the things that come out of her mouth. :)